Nov. 23rd, 2009
Since today is the only day I get off before Thanksgiving, thought I would share some memories of Thanksgivings past.
Growing up with Grandma and Thanksgiving meant: No matter what we didn't have we always had pleanty of food! What a cook she was. Amy could cook like her, I on the other hand can make somethings well but not like them. Back in the day then you went to school from September to November without any holidays or teacher's inservice Thanksgiving was a much needed break. Before Daddy died I don't remember much about what we did except eat all day. After he died our Aunt Johnnie or Aunt Robbie (or both) would come down with their families. We would go to our cousin Gary's house. Now just to help those who may not understand let me break this down for you.....
Our Grandma was one of eleven children. Her brothers and sisters helped her lots with us girls after Daddy passed. Jasper, Lack, Eddie, Hack, Junior, Olamae, Alma, Suenell, Maddie, Delene and Sibyl (Grandma). I know I did not spell all of them correctly nor are they in order. I'm just luckly I remembered them all. (Really with names like those!) Most of them lived close to us so one of them was always coming by or calling. Their grandchildren were around our age so I grew up with lots of cousins. Third cousins but cousins none the less. I always liked this. It was fun having extra family like that. Made what I had already lost easier. I'm sure most of them never knew that. I should tell them.
You never knew what the day was going to be like. Some would watch football all day or you played outside. If the weather was bad we would all be in a bedroom or a basement. I'm sure we got mad and fought. I don't remember that. I do remember playing football or going out in the woods and swinging on vines. Square dancing with Kent to make everyone else laugh. I think one year we even broke someones bed cause we were juming and doing flips on it. I wish I had engery like that now! It was always good times.
As we got older guess we all just went our separate ways. I'm thankful for the time I had with all of them. Sometimes I want to go back and do it all over again. Pay more attention. Enjoy it more. Just to be with those people again....
This year will be hard. Russell is bring Emily and Ethan. I want them to have good memories like I do. I am going to have to try every hard to help them through the holidays. I really don't hae a plan. I will just be here for them thats really all I can do.
Hope everyone has a safe and happy Thanksgiving! Be good to your loved ones and if you are holding any resentment for anyone.... let it go. Its not worth it!
Ada
Monday, November 23, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Nov. 17th, 2009
I really want to tell this story abut one of the get togethers. It was about this time of year and Grandma was out of town. Saturday night and we were going to have a good "get together"! Just about everyone was there. The house was full of drunk teenagers(a partents worst nightmare). Amy was one of them. I carried the shotgun around trying to keep everyone in line. I'd say most were scared of me. It was never loaded but they didn't know that. The usual group was there. Everthing was going just fine til Chico puked in Amy's room. It was the funnest thing cause there was a whole slice of tomato in it. Like he had never even chewed it! Ofcourse everbody had to view it and make fun of him. When Amy saw it she went off! Poor Chico had already passed out so all the cussing and sreaming she did at him was pointless. She would not let it go. Some girls were cleaning it up and telling Amy it would be alright. She was still pissed and wanted him to pay. Now I don't know whos idea it was. Some boys decided since he was passed out and Amy was mad they would tie him up. Our cousin James, David Dishman, Greg and Terry tied him to a lawn chair with the garden hose. This wasn't good enough so one of them got Grandma's pumpkin and cut it out to fit his head like a helmet. The guy never even woke up. Everyone was laughing there asses off. Still not good enough for the boys. Somehow in all the durnkn haze the idea of putting him on the roof came about. Well all you had to do was say it and the boys were doing it. The next thing I know James, Greg and Terry were on the roof. David was behind the house. Chico was on his way to the roof tied to a lawn chair with a pumpkin on his head. He still never woke up. I was down on the ground thinking someone was going to fall. I yelled and sceamed at them to stop and get down. Terry leaned over the edge and told me to calm down. He said "as soon as we tie him off we'll get down." Everyone came outside to see what they had done. Pictures were taken good time had by all.
Now I would guess that most of the people who were there don't remember much. I know what we did was so wrong(on so many levels) and I pray that my son never does anything like it. I'm glad to have had the good, wild times I did with my sister. I fought with her so much in our teen years. Now it just seems so silly. We did have fun in all of it though. She was one of a kind and she was my sister.
I really want to tell this story abut one of the get togethers. It was about this time of year and Grandma was out of town. Saturday night and we were going to have a good "get together"! Just about everyone was there. The house was full of drunk teenagers(a partents worst nightmare). Amy was one of them. I carried the shotgun around trying to keep everyone in line. I'd say most were scared of me. It was never loaded but they didn't know that. The usual group was there. Everthing was going just fine til Chico puked in Amy's room. It was the funnest thing cause there was a whole slice of tomato in it. Like he had never even chewed it! Ofcourse everbody had to view it and make fun of him. When Amy saw it she went off! Poor Chico had already passed out so all the cussing and sreaming she did at him was pointless. She would not let it go. Some girls were cleaning it up and telling Amy it would be alright. She was still pissed and wanted him to pay. Now I don't know whos idea it was. Some boys decided since he was passed out and Amy was mad they would tie him up. Our cousin James, David Dishman, Greg and Terry tied him to a lawn chair with the garden hose. This wasn't good enough so one of them got Grandma's pumpkin and cut it out to fit his head like a helmet. The guy never even woke up. Everyone was laughing there asses off. Still not good enough for the boys. Somehow in all the durnkn haze the idea of putting him on the roof came about. Well all you had to do was say it and the boys were doing it. The next thing I know James, Greg and Terry were on the roof. David was behind the house. Chico was on his way to the roof tied to a lawn chair with a pumpkin on his head. He still never woke up. I was down on the ground thinking someone was going to fall. I yelled and sceamed at them to stop and get down. Terry leaned over the edge and told me to calm down. He said "as soon as we tie him off we'll get down." Everyone came outside to see what they had done. Pictures were taken good time had by all.
Now I would guess that most of the people who were there don't remember much. I know what we did was so wrong(on so many levels) and I pray that my son never does anything like it. I'm glad to have had the good, wild times I did with my sister. I fought with her so much in our teen years. Now it just seems so silly. We did have fun in all of it though. She was one of a kind and she was my sister.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Can only go forward
Nov. 15th, 2009
Well, I haven't blogged in a bit. Thought I'd better do some while I had time for it. The past 2 and half months have been heartbreaking. My emotions have been all over the place. Waiting for the autospy results was the worst. Just having the possibility that someone could have hurt Amy. I didn't know how I was going to live with that. I have to thank God that is not the case. The cause of death is Hypertensive cardiovascular disease. As bad as her death is this is something I can understand. Our Dad died at a young age of the samething. I know people will say "what caused her heart to fail?" This is it and this is hard for me to admit. She was over weight pretty much her whole life. She had been taking some diet pills . She had quit taking them cause they made her heart race. She had been partying hard with drugs and alcohol. There is a strong family history of heart disease. That is the truth and it hurts.
I miss her. I wish there was something I could have done. I knew she was doing this and told her my greatest fear was getting a call that something had happened to her. I did nothing but listen when she needed someone. She was married to Russell for nine years. They did not have a good marriage. He is bi-polar. He would cuss her and scream and scream. I don't know why or how she put up with it. I would have killed him. But she tried she wanted to have a happy family. Anyway, he moved out last year and things got better except for the money. No job and two kids. Our Aunt Johnnie helped more than anyone could have. She owns the house we grew up in and Amy was living there. She did not have to worry about that. Ofcourse, Russell and Jerry(Ethan's dad) paid child support but Amy was lonely. She never could be alone. She wanted to be loved by someone. After Russell moved out he would take Emily on week-ends and Ethan moved in with his dad. Amy thought because she didn't have money this would be the best thing for Ethan. She wanted what was best for both her kids. I think this hurt her more than she would let on. Thats way she started hanging with this bad crew. The drugs and alcohol were a way of not dealing with these feelings. It was a way not to have to face the guilt. I knew this and still did nothing but tell her I understood. I did not want to add to her pain.
I will have to live with the guilt that I have. If anyone knew my sister they know she always landed on her feet. No matter what had ever happened she came out of it smelling like a rose and better off then you would have thought. I thought this would have been one of those times. Maybe thats why I tried to just let her be. I love her. I failed her in so many ways.
Please don't think I am just moping and want people to feel sorry for me. I have been healing and doing much better. I know the holidays are going to be hard this year. I am a survior. Amy would want me to live. She would want me to take care of myself. I am going to do just that. I have already got a stress test lined up and a complete cardiac work up scheduled. I will live for my son, husband, brother, niece and nephew. They need me to do that.
For Amy I will laugh. I will love. I will be happy for both of us.
Until next time people. Thank you all for the thoughts, prayers and kind words that have helped me through this time.
Love always, Ada
Well, I haven't blogged in a bit. Thought I'd better do some while I had time for it. The past 2 and half months have been heartbreaking. My emotions have been all over the place. Waiting for the autospy results was the worst. Just having the possibility that someone could have hurt Amy. I didn't know how I was going to live with that. I have to thank God that is not the case. The cause of death is Hypertensive cardiovascular disease. As bad as her death is this is something I can understand. Our Dad died at a young age of the samething. I know people will say "what caused her heart to fail?" This is it and this is hard for me to admit. She was over weight pretty much her whole life. She had been taking some diet pills . She had quit taking them cause they made her heart race. She had been partying hard with drugs and alcohol. There is a strong family history of heart disease. That is the truth and it hurts.
I miss her. I wish there was something I could have done. I knew she was doing this and told her my greatest fear was getting a call that something had happened to her. I did nothing but listen when she needed someone. She was married to Russell for nine years. They did not have a good marriage. He is bi-polar. He would cuss her and scream and scream. I don't know why or how she put up with it. I would have killed him. But she tried she wanted to have a happy family. Anyway, he moved out last year and things got better except for the money. No job and two kids. Our Aunt Johnnie helped more than anyone could have. She owns the house we grew up in and Amy was living there. She did not have to worry about that. Ofcourse, Russell and Jerry(Ethan's dad) paid child support but Amy was lonely. She never could be alone. She wanted to be loved by someone. After Russell moved out he would take Emily on week-ends and Ethan moved in with his dad. Amy thought because she didn't have money this would be the best thing for Ethan. She wanted what was best for both her kids. I think this hurt her more than she would let on. Thats way she started hanging with this bad crew. The drugs and alcohol were a way of not dealing with these feelings. It was a way not to have to face the guilt. I knew this and still did nothing but tell her I understood. I did not want to add to her pain.
I will have to live with the guilt that I have. If anyone knew my sister they know she always landed on her feet. No matter what had ever happened she came out of it smelling like a rose and better off then you would have thought. I thought this would have been one of those times. Maybe thats why I tried to just let her be. I love her. I failed her in so many ways.
Please don't think I am just moping and want people to feel sorry for me. I have been healing and doing much better. I know the holidays are going to be hard this year. I am a survior. Amy would want me to live. She would want me to take care of myself. I am going to do just that. I have already got a stress test lined up and a complete cardiac work up scheduled. I will live for my son, husband, brother, niece and nephew. They need me to do that.
For Amy I will laugh. I will love. I will be happy for both of us.
Until next time people. Thank you all for the thoughts, prayers and kind words that have helped me through this time.
Love always, Ada
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